Category Archives: Mental health

The most important book I’ll ever write 

With Father’s Day coming up on Sunday, I thought I’d share a little about my writing I’ve been working on. I recently made the decision to start trying to understand and break a pattern that’s been repeating itself throughout my life, and so I am writing about it. Ive been dedicating a block of time every week to ensure I see it through. I’ve already written eight chapters, and I believe this may well be the most important book I have ever written. 

In order for me to understand this negative pattern, and what has caused me so much pain, confusion, and emotional turmoil over the years (not to mention relationship issues), I am writing about it all so that I can delve deeper, with the hope of gaining some understanding of where it has all stemmed from, so I can break it once and for all. What I do know, is that this pattern circles around my relationships with males in my life. 

To give you a bit of insight into what it’s about, I am exploring every single relationship with a male I have ever had. From my dear grandfather (whom I adore), to my absent father, my stepfather who committed suicide, and every single intimate relationship I’ve ever had. Let me say that this is not an easy process, but I know with all of my soul that it is a vital one I must go through. 

I’m not sure whether or not what I’m writing will be shared with anyone yet, much less whether I will be publishing it. I do know however, that it is life changing, and I will make the decision about whether it will be shared once I have completed the book. 

I’m sharing this with you for one reason. It’s to remind you of the incredible power of writing. Not only is it extremely therapeutic, but it is also a wonderful tool for healing the soul. I love you all, and I will keep you updated on my progress.
Lots of love, 

Christie 

Founder & Director

White Light Publishing House 

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The Wheel

So here you are again

The wheel has fully turned

Now it’s time to make a choice

About what you have learned


Do you let it go another round

And repeat it all again?

Or have you finally reached a point 

Knowing it will never end?


The wheel will keep on turning

The past will still repeat

Until you make a conscious choice:

Is this it what you really need? 


It’s like you’re stuck in motion

Not knowing how to stop

Asking why nothing changes 

Or why you feel so blocked 


It doesn’t have to be this way

But something has to change 

Will you jump off the wheel

Or go around again?

Thank you for everything 2016

Everywhere on social media (and in person) I keep reading how atrocious 2016 has been for people, and how they can’t wait for the year to be over. To be honest, it saddens and frustrates me.
There are a few reasons for this. 

What makes everyone think that once 31st December is over, that their life is miraculously going to change? What we should be asking is “what am I doing NOW to change my life?”

Leading in from my first point, why wait until 1st January to make changes in your life or strive for happiness/success/better health? To me, it just seems crazy. If you’re so unhappy right now, then ask yourself what you need to do to change this now, not next year. 

We are in a 9 year numerologically, so yes, 2016 has been a year of endings and basically, dealing with all of our ‘shit’ so that we don’t keep repeating it in the next 9 year cycle. The thing is, if you’ve continually put off dealing with all your past stuff and been too scared to confront those repetitive situations you keep finding yourself in year after year, then this year was a year where the universe has pushed you to deal with it all once and for all. If you’ve refused to acknowledge all of this for yourself, then clicking over to 2017 is not going to change a thing. You’ve been pushed and tested for a reason, and if you can’t yet see what it has taught you, or how much you have grown from it (which in turn, would see you being grateful for having been through it), then you likely still have more inner work to do. 

I’ve had my fair share of challenges this year myself, but I’ve also had some amazing things happen for me too. The difference is however, with the challenges I’ve been confronted with, I am fortunately in a state of mind where I can truly appreciate ALL of it. Yes, even the ‘negative’ stuff, because ultimately, they have taught me lessons and helped me to grow. 

The constant focus on how horrible a year 2016 has been for everyone seems to be a counterproductive behaviour. If you’re continually putting it out there about how hard you’ve had it, how negative things have been, etc etc, then aren’t you then attracting the very things you DON’T want into your life? It’s called the Law of Attraction, and unless you change your outlook on life and all that you’ve experienced (both negative and positive) throughout 2016, then you may just find that these things continue into the new year.

Some of the experiences you may have had in 2016 may have not even been to do with your own life journey; perhaps they happened for someone else’s soul growth or life plan. But it’s important to look at everything that has occurred throughout 2016 as either a blessing or a lesson (which in my opinion, is also a blessing).

Think about how much you’ve learnt about yourself this year. 

How much stronger you are.

How the universe has stepped in to remove all that no longer has a place on your journey.

That you’ve been forced to confront your past so you can move forward and heal.

That you’ve been pushed by Spirit to get back on track and live a life of personal truth.

How about we all start flooding social media with all the things we have been blessed with and are grateful for throughout this past year? Then maybe, just maybe, 2017 will be filled with joy, positivity and success because that’s what we’re attracting into our lives. In fact, let’s get that ripple effect going, if you want it to, it can happen RIGHT NOW; not at 12.01 on 1st January? 

Thank you for everything 2016

Thank you for the lessons; even the really tough lessons that helped me grow as a person. Thank you for the joy and blessings you allowed me to experience. I am grateful for every moment.

Why honesty is empowering 

I’ve realised something the last few days, and that is just how very empowering honesty is. 

Being honest with others, and most importantly, being honest with yourself

After posting my blog about my trip, and why Mum’s shouldn’t feel guilty about looking after themselves every once in a while, I received this message:

Honestly, you are amazing! I missed your first blog about your holiday and have only recently read it.

I cried whilst reading as I realised I’m one of this judgmental mums, I have always thought negatively about mums leaving their children to relax and have holidays. I have no problem with men doing it but always had issues with mums doing it.

I labelled them as selfish, uncaring and the list goes on.

UNTIL I read your blog.

I am embarrassed to say that these are my own issues and I am purely just jealous and envious and wish that I could do what you are doing.

You are doing such a selfless thing, by giving yourself the gift to recharge and heal you will be a better mum to your children than I am to mine purely because I am exhausted, cranky and unhappy most of the day.

So thank you for being so honest and sharing your story.

I will live this adventure through you until the day comes that I have worked through my own issues and take off on my own xox

This message was so inspiring to me, and I loved just how raw and honest it was. This Mum has not only been honest with me about my post, but she was also brutally honest with herself. This is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself, it truly is. 

So thank you to this amazing Mumma for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. You probably don’t even realise just how strong and powerful you are as a woman (not just a Mum), but I believe the message you sent me may just be the beginning of a beautiful journey within, and I am so honoured to have been able to ignite a spark in you without even intending to. 

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” 

– Brene Brown

  

I’m a Mum. Does that mean I can’t have a holiday?

In a couple of days time, I am leaving for an overseas holiday with my Mum and I’ll be gone for two weeks. Nothing out of the ordinary really, except that I have three children, and they’re not coming with me.

I saw a post on social media recently where another Mum was in a similar situation, and I felt for her, I really did, because some of the comments she received were horrible. She was called selfish, a bad parent, and irresponsible, just to name a few. There were only a small handful of people (including myself) who actually supported her choice to go on a kid-free holiday, and I found that very sad indeed. Why people find it necessary to be so damn judgemental is beyond me. This poor woman was doing something very similar to me, and her children were of course, going to be in safe hands with their father while she was away. Yet still, in their eyes, going on a holiday without your children was a massive no-no.

I must admit, I still have a lingering feeling of guilt about my upcoming trip; after all, I am going to miss my children terribly, which is natural of course. BUT,  I’ve realised that the guilt I’ve been feeling is not so much coming from within, but externally, from people like those commenting on that woman’s post, who have this preconceived idea that it’s wrong for a mother to have a holiday without her children.

So, to those people who think that this is somehow ‘wrong’, I ask you the following:

If it were Dad taking this holiday, would this be viewed differently? (Mind you, in my case, Dad is taking his own holiday later this year)

If it was a business trip I was going on, would that make a difference? 

Do I not work hard enough, live each day on hardly no sleep, give my heart and soul 24 hours a day enough to deserve a break? 

I noticed one comment on that particular post where someone had said, “You’re a Mum. That’s your job. You don’t get to do things like that when you’re a parent.”

Well, I disagree. Yes, I am a Mum, and it’s the best job in the world. I love my children unconditionally. But I am also human too, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with honouring myself as a person as well as being a Mum. Being a Mum is not the only thing that defines me as a person; I am many other things as well. 

So, I am going on this once in a lifetime trip, and I am going to do so with no guilt, because there is nothing for me to be guilty about. I am going to relax, explore the culture of the places I’m visiting, and be grateful for this amazing opportunity. I am going to enjoy a much needed break, and quality time with my Mum. I am going to share my experiences with as many people as possible, without feeling as though I should somehow be ashamed of what I’m doing, because that’s what people do when they go on holiday. 

As for my children, they are going to spend some quality time with their Dad, and are of course, in great hands. I’m sure they will miss me just as much as I’ll miss them, but you know what? I am going to come back home in just two short weeks, getting right back into the swing of things, but there’ll be one difference. I’ll be relaxed and re-energised, ready to keep being the super awesome Mum and wife that I already know I am.

  

No Room for Comparison 

Enough is enough. I’ve decided to make a promise to myself. A promise that I should have made long ago, and one that every person would benefit from making for themselves.

I promise to stop comparing myself to others.

It seems quite a simple commitment to make in such a small sentence; one that many people will know, that in reality, isn’t quite that easy. On the contrary, you may be reading this thinking, “Oh, I don’t do that anyway”, but let me ask you this: Can you honestly say that you never, ever judge yourself based on what others think of you (whether real or perceived), or that you don’t question your decisions with someone else’s beliefs or way of life at the back of your mind?

Perhaps you can, and if so, that’s wonderful. But for those of us that do need a little reminder, it’s time we took back our personal power and lived authentically!

When was the last time you stopped yourself mid-thought; wondering whether “X” would make the same decision? What would they do in the same situation? Should you do what they would do, or go with your own instinct? What would they think of your choices? Would you feel as though you’re being judged? Better still, what would society think of your the choices you make?

These are all questions that we need to stop asking ourselves when it comes to making life choices; whether it’s a big decision like changing careers, or an everyday choice such as whether you can afford to buy yourself that new book you’ve had your eye on.

Comparison comes in many forms. You may be comparing:

– Your career and the success you have in the workplace

– The way you look 

– Your relationships with others (family, marriage, friendships)

– The amount of money you earn 

– How you should ‘behave’ in certain situations 

…and the list could go on…

Now, let this sentence sink in for a moment:

Each time you compare yourself to another, you are taking away your own power.

Personally, I’m not too fussed with material things, such as having fashionable clothes, or the latest hairstyle. Comparing myself to someone based on what I have or don’t have, is not an issue for me (thankfully). For example, I couldn’t care less about owning a big fancy house; that’s not what’s important to me. I am however, happy for anyone who is able to have this for themselves, if that’s what brings them joy.

For me, at this point in my life, comparing my parenting choices to those of others (as well as what is ‘expected’ from society in general), is my greatest challenge, and one that I intend to put a stop to right now. The choices I make daily as a parent, is what I struggle with the most; even though in reality, I shouldn’t. The fact that I’ve been a parent now for almost thirteen years, have three children, and several years of early childhood education training and experience up my sleeve, still doesn’t seem to stop me from questioning my choices at times; simply because I am comparing myself to others, or wondering whether or not my decisions are ‘the best thing to do’ in societies’ eyes.

So, for anyone who finds themselves guilty of comparing themselves to others (in any form- not just parents), I ask you this:

Why do you allow yourself to do this? What makes you think that you are not capable or knowledgeable enough to make the best possible choices for yourself (or your children) without comparing yourself to others? Why do you even think that others would be judging you anyway, and if they are, why does it matter so much?

 

In my situation, there is quite a simple answer to this question. It’s because as a parent, I want the absolute best for my children; that’s a given. The choices I make however, should not be based on whether I think others would agree with me, or how other people might think or feel about my decision. I am the parent of my children, and ultimately, I know what’s best for them, based on how I want them to be raised.

If I co-sleep with my children because it helps me to get some sleep at night (and I sometimes like the snuggles myself), that’s my choice. I own that choice.

If I take loved ones up on the offer to babysit my children for the night so my husband and I can go to the movies, that’s my choice. I own that choice.

If I enrol my children in daycare because I believe it is actually beneficial for their learning, that’s my choice. I own that choice.

And finally (this is a big one that I’ve been made to feel guilty about), if I want to go on a holiday and leave the kids at home with their Dad while I’m away, that’s my choice. I deserve a holiday and I own that choice.

It’s also important that I acknowledge the times where I don’t have the answers, or when I’m having a challenging time. 

When all I feel like doing is crawling up in bed and sleeping because the kids have kept me awake all night, that’s okay. I’m allowed to feel that way. 

When I sit my toddler in front of his favourite movie or give him the iPad to ‘keep him entertained’ so I can have a moment’s peace to fold the washing or heaven forbid, go to the toilet, that’s okay. I’m allowed to give myself some space.

When I’m so flustered from lack of sleep, trying to work from home, and having a nagging teenager, toddler and baby all wanting my attention at once, that I fall into a heap and have a good old cry, that’s okay. I’m human.

Obviously, these examples are based upon my personal situation, and are relating to parenting, however, this same concept can be adapted to any situation where you wish to take back your power and stop comparing or questioning your life choices. After all, who is in charge of your life? Is it society? Friends and family around you? Or you?

I promise to stop comparing myself to others. 

Do you?

   

 

Ten things to remind yourself today 

We all need a little reminder sometimes, and here are just a few things that you might like to reflect upon or remind yourself today.  1. You are doing your best with what you’ve got to work with at this moment in time, and that’s okay.

2. You can’t please everyone, and not everyone needs to like you. As long as you’re living your life truthfully, that’s all that matters.

3.  It’s vital that you take time for yourself and to do things you love, and to not feel guilty about it. 

4. The challenges you’re going through are for a reason, and are ultimately going to make you stronger and wiser.

5. Love yourself first. If you can genuinely do that, the rest will come easily.

6. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t try and squeeze everything into one day/week/year. There’s plenty of time, and it’s important to appreciate the journey.

7. Make time for rest. Put something off for a little longer if needed so you can recharge. 

8. Don’t own other people’s feelings or problems. Be compassionate, yes, but they are theirs to own, not yours. You have enough on your plate without other people’s stuff adding to it.

9. Breathe. Exhale all your worries, frustration, and anger… Allow any negative emotions to be releasd with each breath out. As you breathe in, allow nothing but love, joy, and positivity to flow through your body.

10. View everyone and everything from a place of love. Even the ordinarily most frustrating of people or situations can be dissolved by simply looking at it differently. Try it. 

I’d love to hear your feedback on any or all of these that you decide to try.